L-O-V-E

if music be the food of love,
then play on.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

♥ 12:58 PM

Hey peoples. Yes I'm back after such a longgg break from this (: so far things have been very very hectic for me. Alot of things have happened since the last time I blogged and it's really caught my attention that my life is going down the road of no return.

I'm not trying to be emo or anything, but seriously...I've been breaking down too much lately, but thankfully I have very good people by my side who picks me up whenever I fall (yes I'm talking about you SHARON CHENG!!)

Lately I've been trying to chase happiness and change the way things are supposed to go instead of my usual style of going with the flow. From today onwards I shall not do that ever again!! I'm back to going with the flow because..it is true when people say that the rain doesn't last forever.

Life is what you make it right? If you wanna live life happily and to its fullest then who has the right to actually stop you? I'm gonna keep that in mind. No matter what, I gotta stay on the positive side of things because being on the negative side of things has not been working out too well for me. It has instead turned me into the person I hate.

I don't wanna be that person who savours self-pity like a plate of chicken wings (great interpretation huh?) I'm not gonna sit here and moan about shit that has already happened. Yes, it is a well-known fact that my life hasn't exactly been going the way I hoped for it to go this year, but who am I to judge fate? There's a reason for everything and I've been trying to find the reason for all the recent 'incidents' in my life, but to no avail.

So, what other options do I have left? Go back to my old ways. Well not the whole package, just the happy-go-lucky carefree one. I'm tired of chasing love, life and happiness. I'm just gonna let everything come to me.

"Patience is virtue"

Watching people fall in love and be happy hurts when you're the one who keeps getting fucked over by people, but hey...my time will come. I know it. I just gotta wait like any other person on the planet. I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels this way right now. It's funny how sometimes things fall into place and makes sense just when you're about to give up or when you have finally broken down in the worst possible way.

I wanna be optimistic about things from now on. Considering my current situation, it's not gonna be easy. But whoever said living was gonna be easy? It's hard, but it doesn't mean I can't do it happily right?

College has been hell. I'm very worried about my end of year results and it has been killing me. My week has been soo crazy. My parents are out of town for a week and I've been having so much fun, but ofcourse an idiot always has to pop outta nowhere and screw everything up.

No, scratch that cos why should I let one asshole ruin the fun for me? Totally not worth it. I find it so pointless to cry about things now cos what's the point of crying over stupid issues or people? It's a waste of my tears. A woman's tears are full of emotion, be it anger, sadness, joy, jealousy or any other emotion. As long as a woman's crying..her tears will be filled with either happiness or sadness, if described bluntly ofcourse.

So why waste all these emotions on one stupid person?

Pointless right?

I know.

So from now onwards, 4.14am I'm gonna change my outlook on life. Optimism is now my favourite word (:

so til next time guys, I'm back on my blogging habit.

ciao bello

-and this she wrote.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

♥ 4:15 AM

Ahh, so nice to finally get back on blogpot. I have actually been using the xanga blog for awhile and that was a big bust. Yeah, the words were clear and everything, but I just couldn't really get used to the way things work there. Everything's so complicated. Yes, I hate complicated shit. It makes my head hurt. Too much configuring and stuff (:

Nothing happened recently. Everything's been pretty much slow...Nothing's been bothering me much, except the fact that the N97 has officially been launched in lil ol' Brunei!!! WHOOTTT!!!!

I'm trynna persuade the daddy to get me one. Problem is, white or black? Many people are considering on getting the black one so I was thinking of getting the white. It looks a little bit more unique and somehow seems to gravitate towards the sleeker side. So far the price is a little under $1000. Expensive yes, resistable...HELL NO.

Hopefully I'll get my hands on that baby soon enough. Hopefully tomorrow *prays hard*.

Other than that....well something has actually tickled my nerves a little bit. I came across a certain...picture..yes. I will once again not state names here. But I shall state the situation and why it kinda disturbs me mentally here.

One day you're with this girl and the other day, u dump her...go on your, shall we say sexcapades? And somehow end up with her best friend. WOW. That just baffles me on how she's actually OK with it. I find that very very disturbing because I have never ever pictured these two to even end up together. And isn't it a rule to never actually date your best friend's ex? Unless they're ok with it ofcourse...but who in the world really is gonna be ok with that idea? Knowing that your so-called BFF is screwing your ex-man.

Damn yeah, I'd be over the guy, but hey...ever heard of the word PRIDE?

I've done alot of stupid things and yes, I have done this before to a very good friend. God did I regret it. Yeah, she was ok with it, but I knew better and yet I still went with it. Fuckin hell....~ Excuse my french.

I don't know, maybe it's just me. Yes, I have a lot of PRIDE. I won't deny that fact. It's one of my many flaws. Pathetic? Kinda. I don't know, but no matter what anybody says, all girls have pride. Without it we can't really survive in the world. Maybe in the past you could, but sure as hell not in this lifetime.

To me society nowadays are getting more and more alike snakepits. Most of you should know what I'm talking about. It's hectic and can get very very very frustrating most of the time.

Ahhh...blogging's getting so damn tiring now. I think I might end up making video blogs soon. Will try it soon :D get ready to see me making a fool outta myself HAHA. People are soo gonna love this, but til thennnn!!!!! I'll see you guys. ciao bello

"Never turn down a good drink,....nor a smoke :)", Jeshie

-and this she wrote.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

♥ 12:05 PM

Ok I know that I promised in my previous post that I would post up some new pictures, but heck, I was just so occupied that day. Friends, bitches, frenemies, sworn enemies, acquaintances...and so on.

I must say...I regret not bringing the BF out in the first place. It actually is funny to see how people are threatened by him. I realised one thing that day. You can always tell when someone's just born to lead whereas others aren't given that gift. I have sadly admitted that I am not one who bears that gift, but thankfully, I have a leader by my side who guides me every step of the way. BABY(:♥

I got a tad pissy cos his 'girl' friends were staring intently. Yeah, I might sound infectiously sensitive and stuck up right now, but girls can't deny the fact that we do have women's intuition. We can tell when things are just not the way they're supposed to be. It's sorta like bluetooth. Our bluetooth is always..and I mean ALWAYS on. Some..well the slower ones, would have theirs turned off sometimes, but for us normal ones, ALWAYS ON!!

Other than this...recent happenings would be my mom who keeps pestering me to go to ISB by August, which I will not oblige to. And I had a nice dinner just now which ended with me going home with a bad stomach. Indigestion~ Gotta hate that shit. Baby's asleep on the phone with me right now. I actually stayed up and am still blogging while he's actually snoring on the other side of the phone. Idk. To me it makes me feel as though he's sleeping right next to me.

Oh, I forgot. Friday, I embraced the vainer side of myself and ended up with 'a few' good pictures. Here they are:

au naturale

RED♥

♥Pale Pink

SHOCKIN

G SCREW IT.

♥PINK JUICE

MY FAV♥..WHAT'S YOURS? (:

&&VANITY RULES

-and this she wrote.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

♥ 9:34 PM

And I finally found the time to blog! Nothing much has happened lately. Life's been kinda slow and maybe taking a sip of coffee, giving me some time to actually relax..emotionally ofcourse. Physically, I'm busy busy busyy! College has been driving me crazy. Loads of assignments, tests, projects. I just got back my MPR test results and I must say that I'm really surprised that I only failed one subject. Take a wild guess (:

MATH...can it get more obvious than that?! Math has been really hard for me and I kinda regret taking it as one of my subjects for college, but hey, my many cousins and friends have recommended me to take this subject, so might as well take their advice right?

I got a B for Literature AS, and D's for Socio and Business Studies. My conducts and comments from teachers weren't that bad though. Everything was Good and Excellent, so thank god for that. Atleast that'll save my ass from the grades. I'm gonna actually give the results to my parents later tonight and pray to god that they won't scream at my face. Dad's gonna go all psycho on my ass cos he's been wanting to see a change in my grades eversince I started college, but yeah, guess luck isn't really on his side on this one.

Other than college, the BF and I have resolved things already. I can finally take him out freely without suffering from his gloominess. Atleast now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. We haven't been fighting too much lately, but yeah, the normal little arguements, are still here. We can't really escape from them.

I've been trying to resolve on why the hell I keep missing my keys, but I really can't. I keep missing letters on this fucked up thing and it's kinda pissing me off....roar..?? Ok fuck it. ANYWAYS!

I just updated my iphone and sadly, I lost all my songs which were from the previous playlist in my old PC :( Kinda ticked me off abit, but I guess I'll have to do it the hard way, well not the hard way, but the easy way. Everytime I wanna charge my iPhone, I'll have to do it with this laptop, but when it comes to sync-ing my music, I'll have to do it with the old ass PC. I just feel so lazy going back and forth with this.

iTunes just has to be such a troublesome little gadget!

Oh well, I'll blog later and maybe post up some pictures cos I'm off to get ready to go out with baby. GADONG here we come (:

&&dull dull shit

-and this she wrote.

Monday, May 04, 2009

♥ 4:58 AM

Isn't it funny just how the world seems to be going round your way and then turns on you just when you thought everything was gonna be fine? Yeah..I find it in a way quite ironic. In a way that makes me hate life and everything in it to he core right now. Right now, you can make the slightest mistake and I would give you a look so scary you would back off immediately.

I haven't been in this mood for a very long time. What event brought this mood upon me?

He found out..
About EVERYTHING. The outings, the friends I brought out. Now because of me, he's hating all my other friends. Why? As I quote "You're (me) the matchstick, but it takes a hand to strike it for it to actually light up." What the hell? Yeah, they're your friends, but come on..be realistic. He's lost contact with them for so long, a few months. Who the hell stays loyal for so long? Yeah friends like that exist, but he should know them well. Even I do! And he says that I am no good at judging people's characters.

What exactly did I do wrong here other than the lies? Other than going out behind his back. I went out wit friends. I hung out. I never was on a date nor was I on some kind of sexcapade. He knows my friends and he knows that they would never ever in a fucking million years hit me on me nor would they ever look at me in that way. They're like my big brothers. They're my laughter. They will be there when I'm in need of some cheering up. I enjoy being with them. I love my friends.

Question is, do I love them more than my own boyfriend? If I do, then perhaps it's time to contemplate on whether or not all these sacrifices are worth it. I just want him to somehow understand that I am not someone you can keep indoors all the time. Yeah, he wants to be involved in my social life? Then get used to my friends!

They're the ones who make me laugh when you make me mad. They're the ones who actually UNDERSTAND my feelings. YOU??? YOU????????!!!!!!!!!!

All you know how to do is TALK! and talk! CONTROL! Yeah, you can twist your words around and make me fear you..In front of you, I'm forbidden to speak. Lips sealed with fear as the glue.

I love you...I do...But if you loved me, you woud accept me for who I am. Yes, change me for the better, but don't try to change the rest of me. I can only change so much and I did it for you. I gave up all the bad things. No doubt, I'll always be thankful for the effort you put into making your parents accept me, changing me to become what I am now and guiding me all the way, but don't you think that you're going a little bit overboard? Yes, the world can be a bad place, but why not make the best of it while we're here?

You don't like the people around you, but would it kill you to just keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself for that moment? Yeah, pride. It's all about your goddamn pride. You put it down for me,why can't you put it down for my friends? I put mine down for your crackhead friends! When they in fact were the ones who influenced you to drink, smoke, do drugs. ALL THEM! My friends? They didn't do shit.

I was the one who brought them out.
I was the one who picked them up.
Sent them home? me.
Treated them to lunch? me.
Movies? me.

Please accept the fact that you are with someone who knows how to stand on her own two feet and is still trying to. I wanna gain control of my life. Please let me do the things I wanna do. I know what's right and what's wrong.

Going out with friends and telling you with whom and where. Go home before 7. RIGHT
Drinking, partying, doing drugs. WRONG
Wearing slutty clothes. WRONG
Wearing a little mascara and contacts. RIGHT
DATING OTHERS. WRONG

See? I do know what's right and what's wrong. I DO NOT ALWAYS GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION. I'M NOT STUPID. I'M 18 GODDAMNIT!

I should have the right to gain control over my own life. We're not fucking married. Why do people side me and keep my secrets away from you? Cos they would do the same for you too. If they were to see you out behind my back drinking and doing shit you're not supposed to do, they would keep it from me too. And Abg Apek? Yes, he had a thing for me. UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF 'HAD'??

Yes, I would feel the exact same way as you if a girl that used to like you brought you out, but I know you would fight for her no matter how wrong you are. Because you know that it isn't her fault.

How could you say that I didn't have any guilt at all?? I do. Why do you think I didn't want to watch the movie with you? Yes, I didn't wanna relive that moment of shame again. A movie watched behind your back. DID I HAVE FUN IN THE MOVIES WITHOUT YOU??

No.

But do you believe me?
No. And I do not expect you to. After all these lies. I don't expect for this relationship to have a speedy recovery. I'm mad at myself for fucking up, but at the same time, I'm mad at you for taking that one bit of happiness away from me for so long.

When I'm with you, there's just no balance in things. Things either have to be really bad, or supremely good. Why can't we stop that from happening? I want it to stop right this fucking moment. Haven't you ever thought why I had to lie??? Or are you just to blinded by your anger to actually figure this shit out? Think about it. It's always been about you. Why do I keep saying that? I don't wanna explain this shit to you cos I know that you won't listen to my explanations. YOU NEVER DO. It always gets twisted into you being the one who gets what he wants. Do I??

I never get what I intend to get from you. You're disappointed in me. I lied. Yes. But are you going to punish me for life?

DID I FUCK SOMEONE ELSE? DID I STAB YOU THAT HARD IN THE BACK? Yeah, they were your friends. But come on. They're my friends too. Stop being selfish. To say that I have no guilt is wrong. To say that I lied without a reason or to just give in to temptation is wrong. I have the temptation to go and hit on other guys and do what I used to do in the past, but do I? NO!

Do you believe that? Once again, NO. And I do not expect you to. I just never expected that you could be so.....rash about things. Why can't you try to understand what I want and need from you? So many things are forcing me to put my feet out the door right now, but do I?? I don't. Why? Because I believe that you're not this person. Cos I choose you to be with forever. Please don't prove me wrong. You know you can do this. You know you're better than this.

This isn't about my friends or me standing up for them. This is me standing up for myself. Why can't I just say all these things to your face? I tried baby. I tried...

Now, I'm in a state of confusion. What's my next move? What should I say later on the phone? Are things going to change? How long can I keep going on like this?? I don't know. I really don't.

OK I WILL NOT FALL VICTIM TO DEPRESSION AND STUPID EMO TACTICS.

I'm done sulking.

Thank God for late night dinners. MCDONALDS!!! Yes, thank god for their delivery services. It kinda satisfied me that much so I guess it made me feel a lil better. And my uncles and little cousins are here so they bring a little joy and happiness to the this house. Rather than it being quiet and empty.

Some inspirational quotes I should live by♥

FREEDOM OF CHOICE

TIMELESS BEAUTY
♥

Audrey Hepburn Pictures, Images and Photos

&&"for beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone..." Audrey Hepburn

-and this she wrote.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

♥ 7:11 PM

Yesterday was quite tiring for me~ I don't know why, but somehow I got like 5 hours of sleep, but still woke up feeling like I didn't even sleep the whole night. To top it all off, my first class of the day was Math and I forgot that I had this Business Test before my day ended..~ Sucky endings. It doesn't only happen in movies. Forutnately enough though, my lecturer decided to postpone the date of this test to Monday, but there's a catch...Extra test on Tuesday. Fuckin A...~ It's like she gives out so many tests that all of them have kinda lost their meanings.

What, is she doing this so that she wouldn't have to teach us??

After all of that though, the BF picked me up from school and we went home for lunch. Things were fun back at the house...Kinda hurt him alot though..physically!! HAHA I didn't even do most of them on purpose. He was really tired so he ended up "sleeping" while I was watching Simpsons on DVD. I took a few pictures though hehe

CRAZY TIMES I LOVE♥

Yeah, sometimes he gets on my nerves, but yeah, he does make me laugh and these are unforgettable times. You know the phrase 'You don't know what you've got til it's gone'? I hate that phrase cos it has got to me so many damn times. I won't let it get to me this time. Yeah I've done some questionable things, but no matter what I still go back to this wonderful man. A girl needs to be let out and have fun once in awhile, but when play-time's over, she always goes back to her man.

After baby's house, I went home and went straight to bed. I was actually supposed to finish up my assignments, but heck..I slept til 11.45 when my dad went into my room to check up on me. I love it when he does that. Everytime he sees me sleeping, he'll sort of give me a pat on my head. Yeah yeah~ I don't look like trouble when I'm sleeping. If you guys saw me sleeping you wouldn't even believe that I was that exact same chick who would give you a kick to the face when you wake me up.

Daddy checks up on me from time to time just to see if I'm feeling ok or not. He understands my college life. It aint no joke. Continuous piling up of assignments, surprise tests, crazy lecturers. I hate it to the core, but it determines my future. I'm actually watching The Hills right now on DVD. Yeah yeah, might seem boring to some of you guys, but it's fun. I love the drama. ON TV ONLY!!! LOL

ANYWAYS I'm off to my assignments, written first, then my Socio Essay which will hopefully get done by today or tomorrow. Due Saturday, but I need to finish reading the notes for it and type it out, then put it in a pendrive, send it to the office for printing and hope that those knuckleheads don't mess my shit up like the always do :) ciao bello

screw it♥

-and this she wrote.

Friday, May 01, 2009

♥ 5:18 AM

I do not regret staying. I have never realised how much love has been put into this relationship. So many times I wanted to walk out, but I held myself back from putting my foot out the door. Yes, I've hurt him, he's hurt me too. We had so many downs in the past, but when it comes to the ups, although seldom there, it makes everything seem perfect.

Today, 1st May 09. 2 years and still going. Everything I put into this relationship, everything I've sacrificed has proved o be all worth it. This one special day is the type of thing that you just can't forget...ever. Words can't really describe how the moment felt like and I knew it was real cos he felt it too. Yeah, I'm not one who gets all mushy and sensitive, but this really is it. He might actually be that one person that I'll spend the rest of my life with.

So many obstacles have tried to pull us apart and yet we managed to come this far and we're still going strong. Are all these obstacles and events trying to prove something to me? Or am I gonna get hurt in the end? I really don't know, but for now I'll enjoy today and the rest of my days spent with this wonderful man. Happy 2nd Anniversary BABY. I love you...always & forever.

TAKEN: 5.55pm, 1st May '09

There is no explanation on how much I enjoyed today.

50 years from now, grandkids or kids ask me what my best moment in life was? 1st may 09...me and him. Our 2nd anniversary♥

THE BREATHTAKING VIEW.
♥

Labels: 2nd ANNIE, love, no regrets

-and this she wrote.